So how to even start. To begin, I am single. I was never with the father of my soon to come baby. To be honest, I still don’t know too much about him. We talked for a bit, hung out a bit and then I realized that it just wasn’t going to work. A couple weeks went by and I knew that I was suppose to start my period. I had all the symptoms! Bloating, cramping, moody and to top it off I was eating EVERYTHING in sight. You know just normal PMSing. A couple days passed and I still haven’t started, I just thought I was late. I decided to take a pregnancy test just to ease my mind. I honestly thought nothing of it. I thought it was going to say negative and I was just a little late this month. BOY WAS I WRONG.
I remember clearly, I was in my small little bathroom, I took a test and started my timer. In the mean time, I started watching a Lustrelux youtube video. I wasn’t feeling nervous at all, I was sold that it was going to say negative. My 2 minute timer went off and I grabbed the test. The first thing I saw was the Negative line. (This test was one that showed a + sign rather than 2 lines) and very faintly in the back was the positive line.
My heart immediately started racing.
I ran to grab the other test that I haven’t used just to see if where you see the results had faint lines. I was so confused. Literally the + sign was so faint! I chugged a bottle of water and took the other test. This time my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. When my timer went off I looked at the test and it said NEGATIVE. I thought I was going to throw up. I called my doctor and made appointment. Luckily they were able to take me that same day.
When I got to the doctors they made me pee in a cup and put me in a room to wait. She finally came into the room and asked what brought me in. I told her that I took 2 test and one said positive and one said negative. She then told me in the most calmest way that she basically got the same result… ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I never felt as anxious as I did in that moment & that says a lot because I get anxious quiet often. I basically then had to take a blood test but I wasn’t able to get the results that day. She said that she would called me either by end of that day today if I’m lucky or tomorrow.
So the rest of the day goes on and she didn’t call so I figured that she would call the next day which would be Friday. Then Friday comes along and I am at work just waiting to get a call. NOTHING. So on my break at 1pm I called and asked to speak with my doctor. The lady who answered said that the office is now closed and I have to wait till monday, MONDAY! How was I suppose to wait till Monday?! That weekend I swear I was on edge. Every little thing had me on edge. I wasn’t going to tell my mom just because my first instinct was that there was no way I could keep it so why even say anything. But I always tell my mom everything, she is literally my best friend. My nerves were so high that I felt like I had to tell her just so I could feel at ease. When I told her the first thing she said was “Oh Shit.” Oh shit was right! After I told her more of what was going on she was very supportive. She told me that there is no use in worrying until we know for sure. So thats what I did, or at lease try to do.
Finally the weekend goes by and it is Monday. I wake up at 6:30 and immediately feel anxious. I count down the minutes until 8:30 because thats when I decided that I was going to call. I’m face timing my mom and putting on my makeup for work. I remember I couldn’t even talk. My voice was shaky and my hands were shaking. I swear my eyebrows looked a hotness because of it. 8:30 finally comes around and I call the doctors. I get the lady to answers the phone again only to find out that my doctor comes in a 9:00. I have to head to work by 9 usually so my mind is racing. Am I going to be on the train when she calls, should I uber to work but then I’ll find out in a uber. All these things are running through my mind and then my phone starts ringing. Its my doctor.