The Judgement

Is it bad that I’m so worried about what my family will think when I tell them I’m pregnant? My parents know, my Grandma knows & my siblings know. That’s all that should matter. Right?? I have such a big family, everyone lives near by except me. I moved to Boston to better myself.  Everyone was saying how proud of me they are. How brave it was to move across the country by myself. How is it going to be now when I tell them I’m moving back to California because I’m pregnant.

Is it bad that I feel worried that I will disappoint them? I am not ashamed that I’m pregnant. It’s a blessing. A  HUGE blessing. I know I have a lot more to worry about then what people think. But this is my FAMILY. My family means so much to me. It would break my heart if I let them down.

I have such a enormous family. Just on my pops side I have 7 aunts & uncles. There are about 22 first cousins. Just on my dads side! Out of my aunts and uncles, my father is the only single parent. I never knew what it was like to have both parents raise me. Together. Just because my parents were single parents, I always pictured myself single. How sad is that? I mean THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A SINGLE PARENT. I’m just saying that its kind of sad that ever since I was younger, when I pictured my future I was always alone with kids. It wasn’t till recently that I wanted to have a actual family. But God had other plans for me.

I know that I shouldn’t be bothered by what other people think. Its just hard to think that I could possibly be a disappointment.

I’m over thinking. HELP!

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6 thoughts on “The Judgement

  1. Dear Cayla (is this your name?) I understand how you feel. My mother went through the same her whole life. But we have a shitty family and they never stopped judging her, even now, 25 years later. If your family loves you, they will understand, Things happen, For some reason, God is sending you a baby, it’s a blessing. Your not a disappointment, your a mother. Your not that young either, 21 is no age to be ashamed of being pregnant. Even if you were a teen, they would have to accept it and support you. I’m sure they will understand because they love you and will love your baby, If someone has a problem with it, they are not very nice people. Be strong and know that you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m here for you, dear. If you ever need to vent, please talk to me 🙂 Now the exciting question… do we know boy or girl?

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    1. Chelia! Yes my name is Cayla! I do believe things happen for a reason & God would not give me something that I could not handle. I’m actually 24. I know it’s an acceptable age to become a mother. I am actually the youngest of the first generation of cousins. So they still think of me as a baby, you know? I know my posts seem like poor me, lol. I hate that it comes off that way! I just needed a place to vent & hopefully meet people who are going/went through the same thing. I am very early on, I’m only 6 weeks. I also haven’t announced it to anyone really. No one knows that I writing a blog either. But I am so appreciate of you reaching out! I actually don’t think I want to know the gender until the birth!

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      1. Oh, our names sound very similar. Mine is Cheila (shay-luh) :). No it’s doesn’t sound like poor you, I truly understand your fears. We don’t want people to thing we’ve done something wrong, we usually have this need to please people. Oh, that’s exciting. It will be a beautiful surprise. I hope you post updates and maybe bump pictures? I’m excited for you and I want to follow your journey. Can I ask you something personal? You don’t have to answer but, does the dad know? Is he going to be a part of the baby’s life?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. As soon as I start to show I will definitely be sharing photos! & yes the father knows. He says that he wants to be apart of the baby’s life as much as possible. But he is going to stay here in Boston while I move back to CA. It’s a little tricky. Are you also a mother?

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      3. That’s good! It will be difficult but if he is really interested in his baby he will make an effort to help. Oh, I wish. I always said I wanted to be a mother by 25. I’m 25 and it hasn’t happened. My boyfriend, who is more like a husband because he have lived together for 2 years and share everything is not there yet. He feels like we’re not ready. But it’s my biggest dream and I think about it every day

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